I am an advocate for healthy sexuality but on this journey I have discovered that not all forms of sexuality and lifestyles are worth fighting for. Everyone has a view, everyone has an idea of what is wrong and what is right. Even from a most liberal point of view one may think a lifestyle should be accepted or legalized but there is always someone living in the fringe who disagrees, living among the social outcasts the illlegales who likes it that way.After visiting the brothels I wondered out loud why prostitution isn't legal? I say it should be, but I threw it out there and was met with backlash. Not all sex workers even want it to be legal. Government regulation is not the answer for everyone. From a social standpoint, acceptance of prostitution would bring about a greater understanding and appreciation of sexuality but what about the sex workers who work illegally? Some disagreed with me and many said the money is addicting, and still yet many want to and wish to get out of it. When something is illegal it promotes crimes, violence, trafficking , etc. That was and is my point, but it's not that simple.

Polygamy is another concept that I have been researching by default as of late. Someone got me into it. I was not even aware of this until a few years ago. I mean I wasn't aware of its mass outreach and existence in America. Talk about monogamy brainwash. Having been part of the queer culture since the mid 80's I was familiar with the ideas of polyamory, as the gay community has been polyamorous since the beginning of time. Polyamory is fun, natural, its a little crazy making and scary and no it doesn't breed that sense of security we get in monogamy which is also natural, enticing, and freeing at times yet also confining. Yet, our culture is so steeped in heteronormative monogamous poop as I like to call it, not because it's right or wrong but simply because it's promoted so massively and anything against it is wrong. Government and religion control, does not promote healthy natural lifestyles based on nature but rather based on manipulation, control and brainwash. Conditioning. But in my research polygamy yes illegal but in its current state in the FLDS community promotes a lot of gender inequality, homophobia and general hate not to mention it also promotes incest and abuse. Would legalization and normalization change the inequality, did government illegalization actually do us a favor, or did things go south mainly because of government involvement in matters of marriage and religion?

Porn, same sex marriage. Should porn stars be forced to use condoms, no, but many tested positive for HIV. Make it a law, kill the industry. No two people of the same sex cannot get married. What? Who says. Change the law, make history.

I guess it's hard to swallow still that there are laws around who we can marry, which sends us a message about who we can love, who we can fuck. Laws around abortion, yes our uterus our physical bodies. We cannot go to jail for suicide, but yet abortion and murder are illegal, we anger and treat animals inhumanely yet they kill each other out in the wild. The natural food chain, bereft of any social laws only the laws of nature. Why are humans always acting within the laws of nature but constantly punishing, controlling what those laws are? Law and order. Natural or not.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it's not that simple. Just legalizing or illegalizing something does not change the mindset of a society steeped in certain beliefs. People believe what they are told even though they may feel otherwise. Should you trust the government or should you trust yourself? Change has to take place over generations. Whether it be in the heart or in the mind, it definitely has to start somewhere.

I spent the day with ex-polygamists. I hung out in Colorado City, AZ this morning. Home to many polygamists and lots of former polygamists now too as well. Colorado City, AZ is a city that is changing but at what rate is still yet to be seen. Holding Out HELP, an organization based out of Salt Lake City, had it's grand opening today in Colorado City - a community center, complete with internet cafe, showers, thrift store, counseling/legal resources, kitchen and a couple beds - to help the displaced members of a formerly tight knit polygamist community. People have been fleeing the community or in many cases have been asked to leave by their leader, but often times lack the resources to know where they need to go next. Where to find a job. Where, if needed to seek legal help, shelter, etc. Holding Out HELP is building this new community center to help such displaced folk. Located at the corner of Central and Johnson in Colorado City, AZ.(Below are some stills of from the footage we shot today.)

I spoke to Tonya of Holding Out HELP. I asked her if she thought there would be violence or backlash from the community for building such a center. She said she was sure there would have been but, "There hasn't been any yet, but we don't believe we are wanted here." She was sure they would have burnt the place down by now, but, they haven't. She's not 100% convinced though that there won't be some backlash of some sort.

On the flip side, however, the rest of the nation seems to be watching Holding out HELP and people showed up in droves from around the country to attend todays opening ceremonies.

Some of the things I heard today included one certain former polygamist who has been out of the community for 47 years, but yes, he still lives in Colorado City. He is a practicing monogamist who says that in theory he believes that polygamy should work. But when I asked him if he thought there was some gender inequality in polygamy he said, "No, the women should be in charge, and that the original scriptures would have it be so." He refers to the polygamy psychosis. You'll have to watch the film to hear what that is.

We spent mid-day driving to Salt Lake City, UT. Where we met up with our friend, a 19 year old soon-to-be ex-polygamist - we spent the afternoon with him and taught him some urban slang such as the meaning of "balling out of control," (he laughed) in between hearing about how he was raised, how incest, abuse, homophobia, etc run rampant in polygamy and the loop holes of the law: sure people may come forward but unless they are willing to testify in court, there is quite often no case, which is why these large communities of polygamy still exist.

People are catching on. I wouldn't say people are leaving polygamy in masses but there are definitely a lot more people open to speaking up about leaving polygamy than say two years ago, when I was here last.